Children Should Not Have To Live In Fear

Have you heard of the boiled frog syndrome? If you put a frog into a pot of boiling water, the frog will jump right out. It recognizes such a drastic danger. However, if you put a frog into a pot of cold water, and raise the temperature degree by degree until it reaches the boiling point, the frog will not recognize the minute changes, and it will remain in the pot until it boils to death.

The moral of the story is that we need to be careful not to acclimatize ourselves to gradually increasing stress or danger, because by the time we recognize the critical nature of the problem, we may be past the point of being able to rectify it easily…or at all.

I see a problem that is occurring in many large secondary schools that reminds me of this analogy. That problem is gangs. Task forces are in place already among certain elements of our society, such as the police service, to study and attempt to address this problem, because lately the activities of gangs have led to the murder of youth by youth. Many factors contribute to the presence of these aggressive attitudes within young people in schools and society at large, and they have been present for some time. For many of us, though, this is a problem that seems to be rising with the bubbles in the boiling water. It’s here, and we didn’t notice it coming. We cannot afford to ignore it any more; it’s scalding us already.

Last week, I was touched by this issue. One of the students in our school was threatened with being beaten up by members of a neighboring school. What was unusual here, and what alerted me to the seriousness of the problem, was that the threatened person had not had any contact with the aggressors at all prior to the confrontation. Unwarranted assumptions were made, and the actions proceeded as though they were choreographed. The following day, rumours floated in that 30 students, some from other adjacent schools, had converged and were coming by bus, prepared to engage in battle. As it happened, nothing materialized…just the threats lingered, but they were shocking enough that they were able to poison the emotional well-being of the person threatened. Now, this was not an attempt to gloriously redress injustice or evil. This was not even the action of stereotypically organized gangs. No, this was the action of a pseudo-gang, one that groups and regroups whenever the opportunity arises, with different people, boys and girls of the mid-teen years, coming together randomly for the purpose of fighting chosen victims. It seems that lock-downs and police visits to large schools have already become rather commonplace. This is bizarre! We cannot afford to acclimatize ourselves to it! These are children, remember, and school is their home away from home. Children should not have to live in fear.

If adults in the workplace throughout the city were subjected to these unpredictable and powerless situations, there would be a hue and cry in protest, absolutely. Adults expect a peaceful atmosphere where they spend their working days. This is a democracy, and our laws all outline expectations that every citizen has the right to pursue their goals, as long as they do not interfere with the rights of others to do the same. Physical and emotional safety are seen as our rights, and preserving this safety for others, our responsibility. I do not see how we should accept the presence of gangs in our schools, because the physical and emotional safety of our children is definitely at risk within such an environment.

But how do we go about not accepting the presence of gangs? Police and school crackdowns, expulsions and other punishments actually seem like band-aids to this immense problem, and they can only be applied after some event has occurred…after the devastation has boiled over. Preventing gangs is preferable. This is a solution requiring the efforts of many participants. Parents and teachers and school administrators and parenting educators and social workers all need to work together. These adults need to apply individual attention to youth at risk—all youth—to help them feel visible and capable and powerful over their own lives. Then, they will not need to establish power over others. Adults need to develop bonds of trust with the youth in their daily circles, so that discussion is possible on a regular basis on the topic of their small frustrations, fears and hurts. Vindictiveness, which is the root of gang action, may seem to the students to be a sign of strength against the outside world that preserves their safety and soothes their fears. However, the vindictive actions only lead to the continuation of the very fear they may think they are avoiding. Youth need adults to talk to, to sift fact from fantasy, to discover alternate means of soothing their pride and their delicate sense of self. They need encouragement and inspiration, not criticism. Large schools have trouble doing this, simply from sheer numbers. Small schools have a better chance. Still, we all need to be attuned to this dysfunctional behaviour looming in our schools, because already, we can see the effects spilling over that pot into our public places. We need, right now, to notice all children of whatever age, who are displaying dissatisfaction, anger, resistance, retaliation, and fear. We need to listen to them so that their distress can evaporate bit by bit. We need to actively listen and accept their feelings and help them find constructive ways to solve their dilemmas. We need to be role models who are not aggressive bullies ourselves. We need to not retaliate when others frustrate us, but rather seek to bring caring and balance to relationships, and solutions to problems. It is simple, if each family, each teacher, each coach, each adult who exists within the living circles of young people, simply does this.

By Diane Swiatek, Principal and Founder of Banbury Crossroads School
http://www.banburycrossroads.com/